[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

[[hyuu~ new discovery!!!]]

eh~ ppl close to me will know tt whenever i drink bubble tea, i always order chocolate milk tea.. ^^ i tried a new flavour yesterday (thanks to edward~ #^_^#)!!! i tried... ORANGE MILK TEA!!! i was trying to convince myself tt it wouldn't be tt bad.. since i've always like orange (the drink or flavour) since young (fate? haha), so i was telling myself, "it'll be okay, i like orange wad.." repeatedly when i ordered it (and watched the person go abt making it wif uneasiness).. and the drink was GOOD!!! SURPRISINGLY NICE LEH~~ yay~ i got new flavour to drink.. i was getting sick of ordering chocolate milk tea.. note: i'm sick of ORDERING, not sick of the drink itself.. i still like chocolate milk tea~ ^^ thanks edward!! hehe.. ^^

i always thought i was a easy-going, and somewhat friendly person.. whenever i'm sad, angry, irritated or anything, i dun show it out.. kinda makes ppl feel tt i'm a easy-going, friendly, very nice, one who nv gets angry kind of person? it may be thick-skinned of me to describe myself dis way, but i tink it's true.. i'm not saying the real me is someone who's opposite of wad i seem to be, but juz tt... i'm human too.. i can feel angry and irritated also.. perhaps i'm too used to hiding it.. now when i feel irritated or angry, i dunno how to express it alr.. oh it's perfectly fine showing those emotions in front of my family (or rather to juz carpy, not my parents.. i dun want them to worry, or ask any unnecessary questions).. it's juz tt.. i can't express those emotions in front of my friends..

perhaps it's because family always stand by you, no matter what happens.. friendship, can always be torn apart by v small matters.. maybe tt's partly the reason why i hide all ugly emotions i haf in front of friends.. well, pri sch i tink i was being the real me, i wasn't pretending.. oh gosh, my pri sch is so innocent and how to say.. trouble free? tt u dun even haf to face those ugly emotions.. i tink my pri sch life was happy, the only negative emotions i experienced was fear from the teachers, and er~ family problems (cuz i was naughty, so kena hit by parents tt kind of thing.. but tt's a process everybody goes through isn't it?).. it's prob when i went to sec sch, then i started being fake.. i dun mean i'm fake the whole time though.. i'm being the real me, except when i experience those ugly emotions, then i start thinking "should i show them i'm feeling this way? how do i express it? will they feel tt i'm a petty person? i should juz hide it" all these thoughts run thru my mind.. i guess u can say i'm fake only when i feel those emotions.. i may be fake at times, but to me, it's a way of preserving our friendship, isn't it? but sometimes, ppl may juz break the relationship juz cuz u tink i'm being fake.. oh well~ ppl haf diff opinions..

again, from another perspective, dis fake me, may be the real me.. maybe the real me is juz a really er~ nice person who considers ppl's feelings.. (*rolls eyes* yeah right...) is the fake me the real me, or is the real me a fake me? (i dunno if u understand dis paragraph.. i myself got confused while typing the real and fake me(s).. ohoho~~)

sometimes i wish i was more stupid, forgetful, or maybe missing a nerve.. then at least i'd be able to treat everybody sincerely.. i feel inferior to others when i get the feeling tt they're being true to me, and i know i'm deceiving them.. then it makes me even more fake.. i'm alr bad wif studies, and now my personality sucks too?

right, so tt's the end of everything i wanted to say.. woah, tt turned out quite long, surprisingly.. din tink i had so much to write.. haha.. oh well~ the main point of dis post is: THANKS EDWARD FOR THE NEW FLAVOUR!!! ^^ oh yeah, happy april fools' day!! =)

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]] *|21:36|