[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Monday, January 12, 2009

[[forced to grow up?]]

haix~ i tink attending jc and uni forced me to grow up.. if i tink back on the way i used to think when young, i tink i can say i'm quite innocent like a kid up till sec sch/jc (someone slap me, i'm being thick-skin).. =D i still rem tt i was on the way home on the bus when i was thinking tt i would be 18 tt year.. maybe it was the fact tt i went past my pri sch tt made me realise tt 18... i used to think tt was like "wah so old~" when i was in pri sch since ur age is only a single digit (and to think i'm turning 21 alr, T_T).. it was then i realised tt my way of thinking is still very much tt of when i was a pri sch kid.. maybe it's the fact tt i've always kept in contact wif kim (always in pri sch gal mode/mindset).. haha.. BUT I DUN BLAME YOU KIM!!! i'm GLAD tt i'm still childish.. =D i mean sure, i tink? i became more mature, more understanding overall, but deep inside i'm still a very childish (nicely put will be child-like, innocent, naive) person.. a normal sensible person would say tt i'm stupid..

my dad tinks i'm mad for treating my belongings well (calling for my pens when i can't find them, talking to my BELOVED stuff toys - btw, i've been like dis SINCE YOUNG), putting the blanket over my darling bolster when the weather is cold, caring for my bag and other stuff before myself etc.. there was once when he caught me putting the blanket over my bolster (cuz these few days quite cold) he said i was mad again.. i told him haf to think of others mah, my bolster will feel cold de wad.. then he exploded and asked if i keep thinking for others, others will think and care abt me meh? but then hor, u can't tell me not to trust everybody juz cuz some ppl can't be trusted.. my dad's always saying he thinks i'll get cheated.. anw those items of mine will nv betray me de mah~ and i seriously believe that even if they're inanimate, non-living things, they will repay u if u treat them well.. ^^ if not pls explain why did my pens show up aft i called out to them, pls explain why zen (my mp3) plays songs according to my mood most of the time (i put on shuffle, so dun say i put playlist myself), and pls explain why zen plays the songs i want to hear (aft i tink to myself "ah~ there's this song i v long nv hear alr" and aft some time he plays the song).. i always believed in treating others as how u would want others to treat you (even if they're inanimate objects).. tt's why i stupidly believe in everybody even though i know not everybody is tt nice..

i tink up till sec sch i was still very happily in my own world.. but the circumstances of being in jc and uni - the competition, the thought tt u haf to pass and do well in exams etc - forced me to grow up i tink.. made me become more sensible, more late nights working hard.. and thus the health problems occurred~ i tink kim and dina know of the time when i fainted in jc tt time.. tt was the 1st.. since tt time till today it has been a total of 4 times alr.. i was lucky tt i act only fainted once out of those 4 times.. i can now tell when it's the type of stomachache tt's gonna make me faint, so as long as i get to the toilet in time i'm fine if i can hold onto my conscious.. but i've nv had this problem up till i went to jc.. ah~ and there's the heart-aching/chest ache.. the 1st time i experienced it was in sec sch, but tt was only a short while.. then jc, uni it came back again.. but only once every year (what? u tink it's fun to come back and "celebrate" anniversary is it???).. but since uni yr 2 i tink i can say it def came back a lot more times.. haix~ all these health problems.. stress? i wonder... or maybe it's simply a result of my hobby of twisting my heart.. haha.. =D

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]] *|23:12|