[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

[[haix...]]

was talking abt how life is cruel and unpredictable a few days ago wif carpy (my twin sis).. then i realised, my parents are really old alr.. my dad is like going to be 60 dis year, and my mum 57.. i really want to be fillial to them, but i dunno how to show it.. it's juz tt... our family dun really show our expressions tt clearly.. i dun cry in front of my parents.. i tink the image i haf in my parent's minds is tt i haf the typical youngest child mindset - the "all-i-care-abt-is-myself-and-kinda-happy-go-lucky" image.. well, not exactly, but tt's what i tink.. i tink everything to be very simple.. so even when my dad had dengue last time, i was really worried, but din know to show it.. he was unwell for abt one or two wks, and had to go to the hospital everyday to check some dunno wad level.. if it was too low he had to stay in the hospital.. i tot it was weird to go up and ask him "how are u?" it's obviously he's not well wad.. basically i juz lived my days normally: studying (or playing) in the room.. hardly going down except to get drinks or for meals.. then one day my mum said i din even show concern for my dad.. it's not tt i dun show, i dunno how to show.. i worried abt him everyday, worrying tt one day my mum will come back by herself, and telling us tt my dad had to stay in the hospital.. i juz dunno how to show my concern for him.. lucky he recovered.. i really dunno how to show tt i'm concerned abt them..

everyone realises u care for ur parents and want to do smthg for them at some pt of ur life, instead of like caring abt how ur sch life goes.. for me it was in sec 3.. dunno if tt's considered late or early.. haha.. but at tt time i was in no position to show my concern.. so in sec sch and jc, the only thing i could do was to listen to them, and be home early so they wouldn't worry.. but aft jc, i still dunno how to show my concern.. the only thing i could do was to occasionally buy some food back for them to eat.. but my parents, being parents, eat only a bit and let me and my sis eat more than one portion, even when it's meant for them.. i dunno why, i juz find it so hard to tell them tt i bought it for them.. i knew my mum wanted to try some kfc buddy meal or smthg like tt, so i called back and told her tt i was buying back for dinner, so she didn't need to cook.. she asked me why suddenly want to buy, and i juz couldn't tell her tt it was becuz she wanted to try it.. i told her i juz wanted to eat it myself, so convieniently buy for them too.. so buddy meal for 4 pcs of meat mah.. my sis wasn't home, then i ended up eating 2 pcs of chicken, when i really wanted them to eat it.. haix..

then dis yr my bro and elder sis together bought wii for my parents on mother's day.. to be honest, i nv did anything for my parents on father's day and mother's day.. i juz wished my bro and elder sis had at least asked if i wanted to pay a bit.. even though i'm not working, i did work for a while aft jc, i dun mind paying a few hundred bucks... argh~ and it's no use telling me to tell them directly.. I CAN'T.

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]] *|00:20|